Love and relationships
Here’s to the most out of place writing in collaboration with an old companion of mine, the dolphin. Before we begin, let me tell you something. All the alphabets below do not come together to form facts. These are introspections from our own perceptions (mine and dolphin’s).
Did the sentences above bounce over your head? If yes, great… let’s move on.
The reason why this collaboration was made with this specific person was for
- One, because she reads a considerable amount of books on relationships.
- Two, many people read on relationships, but not many have experienced anything like it (You got it, I’m sure)
- Three, dolphin stays close by, compared to the others I would have had this meetup with.
- Last, she actually agreed to have a coffee date to discuss on this topic (date as in social appointment).
An evening at a small cozy restaurant, we had a long conversation over a coffee. At first, it was a little weird to start out on the topic. But as time passed by, we ended up giving each other numerous explanations and examples of a flawed human being.
You’ll find out why I mentioned “flawed human being” later.
Love- Something that’s defined uniquely by different minds
If you’re crazy enough to go and make a search on Google on what love is, Google is equally crazy as it gives a prompt answer without ever ‘falling in love’ itself.
There are some things that can’t be defined. Some things that can’t be described. It’s a feeling alright. But in reality, it’s definition differs from person to person. One has to experience it in order to know it. This is why people say “the world out there is tough.”
We, as the youth, will probably never understand these words until we check the ‘the world’ out ourselves. Just like that, love isn’t something one friend can tell another about. Maybe he can tell how he stayed up all night, but he can never describe the emotional intensity.
So keeping this in mind, we’ve tried to take most of the forms of love and generalized it for the most of you out there. (Targetted audience- People about my age)
Forms of Relationships
The generation that we currently live in defines a relationship as something that corresponds to a bond between two people. We’re here to say no.
A relationship can be between a mother and a child, a school teacher and her students, a brother and sister, a boy and his dog, and so on. The only thing that spices up the relationship in a marriage is the involvement of physical sentiment. Apart from the physical relation, everything else remains the same.
In fact, the relationship between a girl and her kitten can be stronger than any couple.
Why relationships in the first place?
Taking a sip of our coffees, I asked Dolphin, “Why do people even go into relationships?” Here I was referring to the relationships people usually talk about. I elaborated what I really wanted to ask.
“Marriage is what makes human beings different from animals. Animals repopulate by doing it on the streets. In order to make this possible in human beings, we made a systematic institution called marriage. As we grow older, we tend to have physical needs, emotional needs, and sometimes financial needs. A marriage helps out in this aspect.
But why? Why can’t one just stay joyful the way he or she is on one’s own? Why does one even have these needs?”
She looked at me for a moment. Then she answered as if a matter of fact.
“It isn’t a necessity at all. In fact, some just fall into it out of stupidity. What’s more? Moving from being ‘close friends’ to ‘life partners’ can really mess up the whole thing. That’s why we see most of the marriages ending up more these days. And it’s simple why there are more divorce cases in this generation.
“Like it or not, human beings are flawed. You, me, all of us. We have come down to the mindset that we are all a ‘half-life’ and we need the other half in order to complete us. But that isn’t true. It’s just an illusion.”
The answer she gave wasn’t really satisfactory. I asked in a joking manner, “So if a man gets married the second time, he experiences a whole life and a half-life on top of that?”
We burst out laughing.
How can a relationship get messed up?
Another sip and I asked her, “You said getting into a relationship can mess up the whole thing. Why?”
Taking a breath of relief, she explained, “When you’re just friends with another person, there is no ‘possessive’ nature in you. Being possessive is a requirement to some extent.
When one is in a relationship, he or she usually gives complete authority of what he or she does, to the partner.
One may tell the other what to eat, wear or whom to speak with. This is fine to a particular stage. Here, possession slips in. That’s fine and should exist by nature. But most don’t realize how far they should take it. It’s just like sand on the beach.
“The tighter you hold on to the sand in your palms, the faster it slips away. So hold it, but don’t squeeze till the other person suffocates. When the other person suffocates in the relationship, people around can see it, but his or her own partner can’t. It’s a tragedy which gets better if the whole thing ends.”
I looked at her eyes. They were a little moist.
“It’s alright,” I said.
How does one get a ‘Life partner’?
My coffee cup was half empty. Hers was half full. Then I asked her, “You said something about going from ‘close friends’ to a ‘relationship’. What do you mean by this?”
This question got her to a full-active mode. I knew I had chosen the right person to have this conversation with.
She started, “There are stages to getting into the whole relationship thing. First, comes the contact. You see the person and feel attracted to him or her. This is what is referred to as ‘crush’. Then it goes to talking. The more you spend time with the other, the more you get to know. The more you get to know, the more one feels comfortable with the other.
Soon a time comes when you become really close with each other. This is the last level. You’re just a step away from getting into a relationship. This usually goes with a proposal or asking the other out or so. If one truly loves the company of the other and vice-versa, then the levels will pass on fine.”
One life. One person
I finished my coffee. I looked at her cup. It was still half full.
“Can I have that?” I asked pointing to her cup.
“No,” She replied, taking a sip.
“Alright,” I chuckled. Then I asked, “Can you love more than one person in this life?”
She smiled and answered, “Yes. Yes, you can. You sure can love more than one person. But the stories that we hear where a couple truly stays together forever happily, that is true love. You may find many attractive, but true love… no.”
“True love? You mean first love?” I asked slowly. This was getting over my head. Where did true love come from now?
“No,” she replied, “The first person that you loved can be true love, or even the last person that you loved can be it. It’s something that isn’t said. You can’t say that someone is your true love. It’s something that one can observe by looking at the other’s eyes.”
I became silent for a while.
“Have you seen anyone’s eyes that way?” I asked.
“Towards me, no. I’ve never seen that. But I’ve seen friends look at the person they love. There is a spark that can be seen in the way they behave and feel and their eyes are. I believe that is true love. Even movies can’t replicate this, no matter how hard they try. Unless of course the actors on the scene really do love each other.”
How does one know if it’s True Love
As usual, I just sat gaping at her. This time, the information she just gave did go in a little bit. But it was still like hearing something about a dreamland with the whole eye contact thingy. I felt it could happen with literally anyone, anytime at any damn place.
So I asked her, “How does one know if they’ve found true love? That seems impossible.”
She smiled once again. I was starting to like her pre-answer smiles.
Then she said, “We can get to know by letting them go. For example, when one truly loves another, it hurts to part with that person. But when you completely let go, then if the other really loves you back, no matter what, he or she will come back. It’s a little too much, but I call it a fact.
So if you really love someone, just let go and let them live as they wish. If they find happiness in being with you, then they’ll come back and stay with you for a long, long time. Now that’s true love right there.”
This explanation was satisfactory. This made real sense and put in some value to true love. Now it was my turn to smile at her.
‘Accept it the way it is’
She became a little serious and continued the explanation, “But when you let go, you are setting them free. There is no coming back from it. So in case if the person loves someone else, definitely the person wouldn’t come back for you. Now, this is just life. You have to let go.
Maybe that person wasn’t meant for you. Maybe that someone else was his or her true love. Maybe something bigger is coming to you. So just accept it the way it is. Just let go and you’ll see what was what.”
Let go… okay… I thought silently.
Is it possible to miss someone without ever loving them?
This was something I’d wanted to ask for a while now. Luckily, I remembered it. So I asked to which she replied after taking her last sip.
“Again, it all depends on how a person defines love. One may say there is only you can love in this life. Another might say ‘spread love as you go’ or whatever that means. But if someone does say he or she misses you, they might be addicted to you. Just like drugs.
The moment you take yourself away, the other person finds himself or herself in difficulty with an environment without you. You’ve become a part of them. Inseparable if I may say so. They can’t live in comfort without you. The only difference is that there are no harmful effects here.” she chuckled at the last sentence.
I just sat there staring at her. She then continued, “The other reason why this might happen is because of getting up till the last level of love and then dropping back down.”
Dolphin and I have been friends for over three years. We never really had the chance to meet up and have this kind of conversation. So we spent the rest of the time catching up on old times.
At the end when we were to part, I made a blunder, given the unsocial being I am. I let her pay the bill for the coffee. She wouldn’t let me, saying that it was her treat. So we made a small deal that I would pay on our next meet up.
It still did feel odd later though. So that’s all about “Love and Relationships”
If you wish to ask anything, you’ve got the comment space below! I sure will reply, nothing to worry about.
Until next time!